I miss the old me.
Though I have always thought myself emotionally lost in my younger years, I actually had a clearer vision of who I really was. Yes, I was the angsty kid in the black shirt and jeans. The one who was perpetually depressed even with no particular reason. I wrote poems and stories, read books, played guitar, expressed myself freely with nary a care to how others would react. I was cynical and sarcastic and I was actually loved for that.
But, like everything else in this world, even the angst that fueled me eventually run out. And then, I really was lost. I was no longer in the dark, but I couldn’t seem to get into the light either. I was trapped in limbo.
And I guess I still am, up to now. Still trying to find my way, even though I actually have no idea where I am heading.
Going back on the entries on my Multiply blog, I was hit with a bittersweet nostalgic feeling. I think I like my old snippity self better. At least I was still creatively eloquent, even if all I do was bitch a lot. It would seem that I am growing old but not really growing up. I still have the same issues as then. Meaning I never really resolved anything. How pathetic is that?
All my talk of getting better, the positivity and all that crap are just that–talk. I still am the same negative person that I was before, minus the creativity and passion that went with it. Err. What does that say about me?
On another note, I miss my long as-in-butt-length-long hair. >_<