unfiltered & caffeinated

translating my thoughts into words and pictures, one cup of coffee at a time
Mommy Thoughts | Reality

A Little for a Lot

April 2, 2014

Francine in a cloud

I will be the first to admit that I am not a perfect mother. I lose my temper, I sometimes forget to pack wipes or diapers when going on trips, I let my daughter watch Frozen on loop, and a thousand other shortcomings that add up to being a flawed creature trying its best and not always succeeding. Forgive me.

Mama says I am too childish in how I deal with my daughter. That we are too sweet and cuddling one minute then fighting like cats and dogs the next moment. Our relationship swings madly from one end of the spectrum to the other in the mere blink of an eye. That’s because we are too alike in temperament to maintain continuously harmonious, bump-free relations. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Why? Let’s just say I don’t want a boring life. My days are too routinary as it is already, why not live my life just a little more with my daughter? So we make noise when horsing around. So someone’s bound to get hurt when we play rough. Little spats here and there are nothing compared to the gales of laughterΒ these moments elicit from her, or to the happy memories of our quality time together. Those are priceless mementos that we could cherish together and bind us closer as mother and daughter. At least that’s what I tell myself to try to rationalize our crazy lives. πŸ˜‰

I know that I can do better. Be more patient, pay more attention, teach more. And I am honestly trying doing my best to improve, to apply the concept of kaizen to motherhood. So that little by little, bit by bit, I also grow alongside my daughter. Not just as a mother, but more importantly, as a person.

    1. Thank you Jenelyn. πŸ™‚ I am inclined to agree with you. I think it’s part of a kid’s DNA or instinct or something to love his/her parents, but we must never take that for granted or abuse that love. Kids are fragile creatures and while they are resilient, it doesn’t take much to break their spirits so we must really be aware of our words and actions.

  1. You’re not the only one Nathalie! I was impatient too to our first daughter because she was colicky even she was born and I got pregnant right away and dealing with two toddlers sometimes can test your patience, it’s normal I think for a parent. Eventually,I learned how to deal with my temperance and always remind myself that they don’t have the same understanding and patience like us and they’re just being a kid.

    1. True, I have to keep reminding herself she’s still a kid, never mind how precocious she is. Sometimes I can’t wait for her to grow up so she could already understand how things work and therefore understand why I have to be strict at times. But at the same time, I hope she would not grow up so fast because her childhood is something precious we must cherish while it lasts.

  2. Since I am not yet a mom, I am in position to make an assessment whether you are doing it good or not. I can tell though that you are doing your best, and I admire the part when you are trying to be a friend to your daughter, while at the same time being her mom. I wish I have the same relationship with my mom.

    1. That makes two of us. I never was that close with my mother either, that’s why I’m consciously making the effort to be close to my daughter. I wouldn’t want her to miss out on having an instant best friend in her mother, obviously something not every daughter is blessed to have. Thanks for visiting, Marge. πŸ™‚

  3. I can relate in you, Ivy and I are somewhat fight likes a cat and dog neither.. I am not a perfect mom too, I do also have a lot of flawse, but yeah, like you I also need to change to become a better Mom and a better person. ^^

    1. Thanks sis. πŸ™‚ I think it’s just as important for us mothers to continuously grow as persons too in order for us to keep up with the demands of raising kids.

  4. Reason why I want to have a kids too in the future. I love how I can horse around and really have a constant companion. hehehe. Lucky for you sis. I think you are awesome.

    1. Awww, thanks much Leah! πŸ™‚ Half the time I have no idea if I’m doing the right thing or not, but if she’s happy then I must be doing something right somehow.

  5. Awww. As a mother-to-be, I have slight doubts if I can the role of a mother well. It’ll be my first baby and I pray that I will make less mistakes in rearing her. Just like you, I have ill temper and I tend to forget things. Sometimes I think I can’t even take care of myself well, how else can I take care of someone else?

    But lately, I decided to let go of the worries and just do my best the way I know how. I imagine we’ll make noise together because I tend to be talkative. But it’s better to be true to ourselves, right? Chill ka lang. I’m sure your daughter will appreciate your play time and great moments together. πŸ™‚

    1. Are you expecting sis? If so, congrats! πŸ˜€

      I agree, we must be ourselves (albeit a more patient version) when we are with kids. It’s easy to lose our identity as a person when we become mothers, but that’s one thing that must remain because we have to be role models, right?

  6. Hey, I’m sure you make a great mom. It’s just that there’s no one way of going about it and who’s to say which is the best way? When your baby grows up, she’ll know and appreciate that everything you did was for the best!

    1. Yeah, parenting doesn’t come with a manual or handbook so, tough. There’s no way to go by it than by the ear, adapting as each situation unfolds. I can only hope and pray I’m doing a good enough job being a mother to my daughter. πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *