Start off the year with a whole lotta Lovin’!

A happy and prosperous New Year to y’all!

 

For a few days prior, I had been in a dark mood. So I went incommunicado to the online world for some time to clear my cluttered mind and think clearly. Thankfully, all that introspection and praying worked and I am now feeling so much better. And to start off the year on a high note, let me share with you guys a coupla excerpts from one of his emails to me during that dark time:

… I could deal with your crazy and sometimes psychotic episodes, but that’s what I love about you.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not exactly the most stable girlfriend ever. Though I am quite sane and sensible most of the time, I do have my crazy fits every now and then (and that’s aside from the normal bitch-fits, mind you). A lesser man would have probably already throttled me or thrown in the towel by now. Thankfully, he is more than man enough for that. And to find someone who loves me not despite but because of those same crazy fits? I really must have done some major good deeds in a past life or something. 😉

… I’m always looking out for your happiness even if it comes as my pain. That’s how much I love you.

Really, how can you not love this guy? *swoons* But seriously. I know that sacrifice is an unavoidable part of loving, but this (for me) is taking it to the next level. To be fair, we’ve both put each other through the proverbial wringer during the course of our relationship, back from when we were simple platonic best friends up to where we are now. I guess that has hardened me somewhat and made me a bit jaded. But it would seem that he is more resilient than I am, for him to still be able to expose himself to such vulnerability like that after all that we’ve been through.

It used to bother me when he said he’d let me go if I asked it of him. Because well, why the hell would he let me go if he loves me, right? Deep inside I do see the logic and I know that it’s the right thing, but I was just too blinded by my own hurts and insecurities. But it’s no less than what I expected of him, to do the right thing because that’s who he is. And I couldn’t be prouder of him for that. Because I am so much weaker than him, and I know that while I know that I must let him go if he sought release, I am not quite sure if I actually can. I probably will, but I’d probably sulk and whine about it for some time anyway, but that’s just me. But I know that it is only right and proper that I do my best to reach that same level of love and commitment for him as well (which is one of my resolutions this year).

So. There goes my new year musings. So sentimental so early in the year; I wonder if that would set the bar for my following blog posts? We’ll see. In the meantime, have a fabulous time dearies! 🙂

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P.S. I changed my signature again. What do you think of the new one? Like it, hate it, doesn’t really make a difference?